Wednesday, February 24, 2010

The Beatles had it right: All you need is LOVE.

I love to listen to stories of other peoples lives.  I search for amazing stories, stories of extreme joy and unbearable sorrow.  Stories that I can personally sympathize with and stories I could not fathom experiencing.  Quite often I whisper the words "I can't even imagine. I have no idea what to say." 

If you know me, I am not, evah, evah, never at a loss for words.  If you know my husband, he doesn't speak a lot of words. Note, I said WORDS, for he has many thoughts, though he only shares them with a few. 

It wasn't until recently I realized that the few words he does have for me are often “… and I love you."  It might be "Oh, you are crazy sometimes and I love you."  but.. Nonetheless, it's often just "I love you."

When I said "Are you sure you want to marry a single mother??"  He just said "Of course, I love you guys."

When I told him that our efforts of growing our family had produced not one but two babies, he just smiled and said " Hmmmm, twins, wow… I love you." 

When we listened to the doctors explain that my pregnancy had just reached the level of high risk, not only to the babies but to me, he just hugged me, kissed my cheek and said "We'll be fine, I love you."

When the doctor told us that at this point, my health was at too much risk and that we should just cut our losses at 20 weeks gestation and allow the babies to be born with the intentions to die, I threw a big fit announcing that I would stay in the hospital for months, stand on my head to make it to exact moment that is was safe to deliver the them. He only smiled, nodded in understanding and said " Well, I love you......"

When I called him to tell him that the babies would be born in moments, he rushed to the hospital after a long night at the firehouse and held my hand and ONLY said "It will be okay, YOU are their mom, that's why they'll be okay and I love you."

When we were told that they had less than 30% chance of survival and less than 10% chance of a normal life, I cried, he said "It's okay, I love you."

When we stood over our daughter on the day that we were told it was likely to be her last, I kept saying "I can't do this...."  He just said "Yes you can, yes she can, I love you."

Years later when we were told that our son did indeed meet the criteria for a diagnosis of Autism and I declared we had to give up everything we had and pour everything in to our son, he just hugged me and said "Okay, I trust you. We'll get him through it, I love you."

When we sat there with our oldest son and the gastroenterologist told us the poor condition of his esophagus and that cancer would be something we were constantly running from, I cried and he just said "Hey, we'll beat this, I love you."

When we were told that I have a disease that would steal years of my life after stroke and seizures set in, and take from me my mind and memory.... he just wrapped his arms around me and said "I love you...." while I cried and said “I don’t even know what to say….”. 

When just about anything comes up that I need answers to, I need details, I need data, I need information... He doesn't give me any of that, only some version of "I'm not sure, but I love you...."  I’ve been known to stomp my feet and say “ I know you love me, but what do I do!?!?!”, and guess what he says?  You got it.  "I love you". 

Kurt doesn't have a lot of words, but maybe he DOES have are the ones that matter the most.  Sure, sometimes he's unreadable.... a friend of mine once called him mysterious; I laughed because that made his ways seem very intriguing and a little less frustrating.

Words, thoughts, data, research, knowledge... these are things I am in a constant quest for.  I scale mountains hollering out my questions, I do my best to decipher between fact and fiction, and head back down the hill with the answer in my hand to only be sent back up again. I never quite find the answer I am looking for. 

Lately I am beginning to realize we're not exempt from unfortunate happenings.  I am beginning to agree more and more that "life is an hourglass glued to the table...."  What this day will hold is unknown.  But I am wondering what life might hold for all of us if we just started responding with LOVE, nothing more, nothing less.  Just LOVE.  What if, all we expected from each other, was love?  Not perfection. Not the answer to life's questions of why. Could it be that the rest is just fluff and filler?  I’m left believing John, Paul, Ringo and George did INDEED have it right.

All you need is love.

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