Saturday, February 19, 2011

Authenticity and Transparency

I continuously hear those words over and over in my head.  They ARE my words after all, I vowed to incorporate more of each in to my life.  If you've been following "me" for a while, you know that while looking for those two things in others, I found that I wanted more of that from MYSELF.
I've certainly been able to scratch out a few people, places and things based on the fact that I can't find EITHER of the two.  And that's okay.  Just as I've said all along "I am not for everyone."  It goes to say the opposite, "Everyone isn't for me."  Which for many of you you're sitting there staring at this page saying "Duh!!! You didn't know that?"  Well peeps, I didn't.  I've spent the majority of my years attempting failing at making everyone happy.  I didn't quite get the memo that at some point you'll be painfully aware that people don't like you and (the most important part) THAT'S OKAY!  I thought if I tried hard enough, met people where they were at, genuinely had interest in their lives, cared, shared and loved that the world, all of it! could be my friend.  Pfft!  It's just not that simple now, is it?

So, lately I've been investing a little time in ME.  My journey.  Oh wait, I didn't really have a path I followed, I just seemed to be drug, face down, down a path that LIFE chose for me.  I guess that's how I saw it for a looooong time.  It's been the last few years, maybe longer, that I realize this is all for SOMETHING.  My faith isn't a secret.  We know I am a big ol' lover of God.  And it's clear there is a plan for me.

However, without ME putting forth action, nothing will ever be revealed to me.  I've been led in a few directions, a few times. I've found things I've loved and subscribed to the theory that if you do something you love, you WILL be successful.  Maybe not in a financial/societal sense, but in your heart.  That's the good stuff.  I think my unwaivering pessimism doesn't allow me to "try something on for size", I'll decide "it won't work" before it ever starts.  Or, if I've started something, it seems it gets ripped from my hands before I know it.  I am not one for ripping back, I kinda believe in "What's meant to be will be..."  So, I've moved on.  
Anyone wonder what I am getting at? Ha me too!  All the time.

I think I've figured it out.  I think I've figured out a way to incorporate a few loves, a few (minimal) talents, a need in the community into a service that is based on AUTHENTICITY and TRANSPARENCY and a few other kitschy words that we all love.
I think everyone needs a Susan. Do you have a Susan? I did, for about 5 years.  Not long enough, about 1/12 of the time I wanted to. My friend Susan started out as my "Mentor Mom".  I was part of M.O.M.S (Mothers of Multiples Society) and when my twins were born 16 weeks early they didn't send me just any ol' twin mom, they sent in Susan.  Susan had signed up to be a Mentor Mom to another twin/preemie mom.  I was her "first" mentoree.   Within 17 minutes of meeting I think we lost the titles and became simply, friends.  I'll never forget trying to tell her when she first contacted me "I was fine... I had a preemie before...I didn't need help, they were still in the hospital... call back when I get home with them."  LOL.  If you knew Susan you'd know that she could see through the crap and would call you on it.  "Girl, just knock that off, yes you do.  I am coming to the hospital tomorrow and meeting your babies and taking you to lunch." Uh, okay?  I remember seeing the NICU doors open and in marches my soon to be dear friend and what would later become my angel.

Susan met me where I was at.  She met me at the bottom of some deep dark holes, some of which I was thrown in to, some of which I dug myself.  And every time she met me there it wasn't to drag me out, it wasn't to solve the debacle.  It was to experience my heartaches, get a little dirty in the muck and then together, we'd figure out a way out.  She also met me when I lounged on and in the clouds of dreams and aspirations, even when they only made sense to me.  "Girl, do it!  Now.  If you don't, I am gonna bug you about it, a bunch."  And she did.  And oddly enough, even though she's been gone for almost a couple years, she still kinda does.  (Read more about the day I found out I lost my closest friend here).

Many a times Susan would call, I'd pick up the phone and say "Hey..." she'd interrupt with this line..."Girl!  You have to try ___________. It will change your life."  You could insert MANY things there.  A book, Sherwin Williams paint color, Puttenesca sauce...  She had a passion for experiences, anything that touched one of your senses or your heart.  I am the same way.  You might hear me around Snooze telling our guests to "... try the Red Velvet Pancake, it will change your life."  or at least palette for a few minutes.   I love to experience "LIFE".  Even if "life" is in the form of a yummy pancake.  I like experiences. I've walked the streets with a person who's lost themselves in the world of crack, prostitution and all that encompasses a life on the streets and listened to their stories.... and paid attention so I could figure out how to love them, in THEIR language.  That's life and those are experiences I wouldn't trade for the world.  There's a broad spectrum out there and it surely isn't a "One Size Fits All" world.

So, how am I taking these thoughts and dreams and making them come true?  Well, I am working out details, business plans, goals, ect.  But, I will say that without Susan I wouldn't have made it through the first few years with the twins.  Granted, I was a mom before the twins it's just that Brennon wrote the book on "How to be the perfect baby.".... (Update: He's making up for lost times and is now writing the book on "How to drive your parents crazy/Being a tween.")  And maybe I would have made it through those years, it's likely.  It just wouldn't have been as fun, eye opening, educating or pretty.  I want to be able to provide moms/families with the opportunity to find themselves or their new selves through mothering and parenting by way of education, health/wellness, fitness/nutrition, organization, environment "sprucing up" and physical (non-judgmental) support.  No "rescuing" here.  We're going into the trenches together and we're digging out together. Period.

Like I said, everyone needs a Susan.  

More details to follow.

(Thank you to Susan for the inspiration. Thank you to God for whispering in to my soul just when I needed You to.)


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