Friday, May 21, 2010

The road to Susanville.... that would get you to the right place everytime.

Story behind the sign, no it's not THAT obvious: May 21st 2009, I leave my Aunt Shanna's house to continue on the drive home on the 80 from CA to CO, with 3 kids, alone. (I know, you've heard that part) I get the call that Susan passed away, the day before I get to her.

The place I get the call is nestled in the redwoods/gorgeous mou...ntain just like Susan loved. So many of the places we've explored in CO were based on her suggestions. SO, the setting is right, and not all that typical of the northern route from CA to CO- the entire time I only saw that environment ONCE, for about 30 minutes.

I hang up, I am a mess. Not 1 mile later a sign says "Welcome to Colfax, California." Susan's closest cross streets were Colfax and Colorado.There was lots of talk about Colfax and the fact that she wouldn't live anywhere else because she "likes some flava in her neighborhood." :) Colfax... Hmmm....

I'm still a mess, getting in to Reno area, finally get a radio station. I turn it up, it's a Foo Fighters song. No, wait, it's a Foo Fighters marathon. Susan and I LOVED Foo Fighters. One night, in 2005 on a whim we both found sitters for our kids and went to the concert, paid up the nose for floor seats (night of) and totally rocked out all night (yes I said totally and rocked out)- we laughed that we both had twins to head home to, but maybe we should become groupies instead.... Had a blast. Was my first concert in years and was my last concert for a long time- the only concert we went to together but we connected ALOT over music.

Back to the drive. So, Colfax, Foo Fighters (all within about 10 minutes of getting THE news). I tell the kids to calm down and help me look for exit 395, that's how we get to our hotel, I've not been in the Reno area since I was 7 so I have no idea where I am going... Where is exit 395??? I'm still a mess, looking for this darn exit. I look up and what do I see?

Exit 395, to Susanville.

Oh how I just wanted to keep driving, we had to get off short of Susanville but sometimes I think if I went back, that road would take me to heaven. No, I am sure of it.

Too many "signs" to ignore. She was with me, period.

Today I thought of her 2 million times, which is exactly double what I normally do on a daily basis. If more than a day or two went by without us talking I'd call and ask if we broke up or she'd call and say "Girl, I feel like you moved and didn't tell me." There are days when I wonder how I'm going to get my dishes done and kitchen clean without talking to her, we'd talk for an hour while we both cleaned. Her kitchen was smaller than mine, and I know sometimes she'd just lie and say she was still cleaning- we had a deal, we had to get off the phone when it was done. I can say my kids haven't had a good hair cut since she passed and I've not laughed as hard as with anyone else since she passed. I've not had a 1 hour conversation about how brilliant covering your dining chairs with candy apple red vinyl is and how Sherman Williams paint colors will change your life.

I miss her dearly, but today was a good day. It was filled with some sorrow, but mostly love and adoration for one of the most beautiful women I've ever known. She touched my family in a way that left quite an impression. She inspired me to do so many things, and will probably continue to do so for the rest of my life. Mainly in the type of mother I am.

There's one place we talked about going before she passed. Well, actually, lots of places, Africa and Poland were on our immediate list... but we had some local plans too, last summer we were going to hike St. Mary's Glacier together. She had before, with her family, but we were headed up together for my first time.

This Sunday I'll see St. Mary's Glacier, and somehow or another I believe and hope like crazy I'll see Susan too.

Susan, I love ya, miss ya like something fierce and will see you on the other side. Godspeed my friend.

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